Winston's Crew

Everyone that voted Winston First just for a laugh, should stop laughing and start feeling guilty. We all know about Ol' Winnie and his pathetic political career, obsessed with the "baubles of office," hating Asians and other groups, rallying support from old people scared of change, denying acceptance of money from Owen Glen, playing childish games with the media, and stealing over $150000 from the taxpayer. But what about the cronies he's brought with him. Receiving 6.8% of all party votes, Winnie gets himself and seven mates in parliament to oppose anyone and everyone. An editorial in the New Zealand Herald by Kerry Woodham mentions that people were only interested in getting Winnie back in, not aware that MMP means he will get to squeeze in more losers.

1. Winston Raymond Peters, Pensioner, St Mary's Bay

This guy goes without saying really, a veteran of political shit-stirring in his 28 year career, a lawyer by profession despite having policies to write expedient laws for populist policy and breaking current laws (still waiting for the $158k Winnie), and losing his magical Tauranga seat to Bob Clarkson in 2005. He's led a populist-extremist party since 1993, getting decent support from fellow pensioners, racists, bigots, and the politically misled. He got back in parliament this year by capturing support from disillusioned Labour voters (especially after Goff suggested raising the minimum wage), and capturing media attention by claiming to know everything there was to know about the "tea pot tapes" with John Key and John Banks apparently discussing ACT leadership and Don Brash. Credit where credit is due, he is a fantastic media whore and shit-stirrer.

2. Tracey Martin, Power-Hungry Councillor, Rodney

Been a long time Winston supporter, stood in Rodney this year and garnered party votes from the oldies. What I know from Rodeny locals, is that she's well connected to old people organizations, allowing her to campaign to that demographic virtually free of competition, especially with Colin Craig (Conservative), Beth Houlbrooke (ACT), and Mark Mitchell (National) being more credible than Tracey.

3. Andrew Williams, Clown of Campbell's Bay

If you're from Auckland, you will already know this character too well. This is Mr Get-Pissed-And-Piss-Everywhere-In-Public, the old North Shore mayor who is such a friendly bloke, he decided to get wasted and send abusive text messages to important members of parliament, including the PM himself. Clearly has fantastic working relationships with key figures in government. Voters everywhere are asking who the hell got this dickhead into parliament, this is where people who voted NZF look into the mirror and feel guilty. 

4. Richard Prosser, Redneck, Waimakariri

Ban the burqa! Give bank tellers and convenience store owners guns! Compulsory military training! Party like its a Muldoonist dictatorship! WHEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! This the guy that's getting the article in the Herald today for being a right-wing bigot that the taxi federation has already called a 'redneck' for saying taxi drivers should be armed, which is obviously not popular with taxi drivers. His extreme conservative social views have caught attention before he's even got to parliament, and good thing too, they'll be extremely unpopular, and probably will not garner the full support of the party. What a team player.

5. Barbara Stewart, Teacher and Business Owner, Waikato

My research finds her to be quite baggage free and a competent politician. Her values include one law for all and cutting taxes. No complaints there!

6. Brendan Horan, Failed Weatherman, Bay of Plenty

Tim Hickey had to replace this guy when everyone saw how useless he was at reading an autocue and pointing to cloud icons on a map. Not sure if this guy has any political credibility. My digging returns nothing, for me to assume he is a personality and not a politican. Judging on personality and his résumé, this is not going to be very constructive, or competent.

7. Denis O'Rourke, Lawyer-Councillor, Port Hills

This guy has a decent record too, yet another councilor though. Denis used to be a more of the Labour Party, which is an unusual start for a Winston First man, then went on to the Christchurch City Council to look after CCO's and oppose asset sales. Though a lawyer by profession and a businessman himself, he could have done more in the Labour Party, a bigger unpopular opposition party.

8. Le-Aufa'amulia Asenati Lole-Taylor, Samoan South Aucklander, Manuakau East

Maybe she's unaware of the political stances her party has against her people, but her profile on the party website says she's determined to give everyone in Manukau East jobs and feels like the Labour Party has screwed the community over. Honorable, though she has little on her CV under 'list of acheivements' after unsuccessful campaigns for election in Maungakiekie and within the Auckland City Council.

A great line-up from New Zealand First. Can't wait to see the inevitable factions and disagreements that are bound to open up, especially if Winston doesn't whip his caucus sore. No doubt they will come up with outrageously funny remarks and comments over the next parliamentary term, and they will serve to make no progress be of no help to opposition parties such as Labour and the Greens. New Zealand First never promised to do anything constructive, jokes on everyone that voted for them for thinking they weill this term.